pain in forgiving

so question of the day...what on earth just happened!?lol. but seriously today was just weird, i almost don't know what to think or feel, it wasn't a horrible day, but it wasn't good....it was a "thoughtful" day.
started out this morning beautifully! it was sunny and perfect, got coffee with eric. just one of those moments you want to hold on to forever.
the rest of the day had it's ups and down, but nothing too major or life altering. it wasn't until i went to my second job that all these emotions began to flood.
sometimes it makes me so angery to see what parents do to their children. you are supposed to love them create a safe home for them, so what went wrong. how can you look at this beautiful child and say such horrible things, treat them so poorly? don't you know what you are creating? i know that no childhood is perfect, but some have had it better than others. after tonight i just wanted to yell, cry, scream, and save this child from hurtful words, a crazy household, a place where they felt like nothing. to see this child look at me with tears in their eyes and say that they don't matter they should be invisable and people would be happier...well it broke my heart. people take so much fro granted, including myself. like i said no one had a perfect childhood, there are always things that we hope to do differently, but man it could've been worse, and i think that is saddest of all. these are truly innocent souls entrusted to their parents and to watch what some people decide to make of it is revolting!
so when i got home it took me a minute to calm down, but then i reread my blog and thought how down i sounded, and i may have been down or lost or confused in that moment, but my life is not that bad! i had an amazing mother, i have a dad who is like a best friend, a sister who brings clarity to my world, a husband who has become my world, the best dog an to top it off my two bestf riends are the most amazing women you could ever hope to meet. one is my opposite and has been my strength. the other is "the love of my life"lol, she gets my wacky words and silly thoughts.
so no matter who has done what, how bad i have been hurt, it all doesnt matter, none of it matters. are those the moments that we are going to chose to hold onto? or will it be the happier times?
i chose happy. so for everyone i strive to forgive you and myself for whatever my part may be. i chose to move forward and try to be more positive. i chose to leave hurt behind.
i want to show these kids that there is happiness and hope in the world, but sometimes you gotta beelive in yourself. i want to show them that it take true love an courage to be the better person and find the peace to let all the hurt go. that it doesn't matter where you come from but what you make out of the tools you ae given.
i hope i am strong enough to bring them out of the shadows and to have them see that it can and it will be better...

treat others the way you want to be treated is not enough, i will try and treat others the way i would want you to treat my family and my future children

a new me?!

life has always moved and changed drastically for me. nothing in my life has ever been steady slow or predictable. so i always have tried to be steady, cautious and predictable so that things didn't start spinning out of control. for the first time in a long time i feel like i am at a place where i can start to be more "free" with my time and my choices. i feel like i have an amazing support system now, if things start to spin out of control i know that i am not going to have to pick up the peices on my own. not stay i am going to turn into that wild crazy party girl, but every once in awhile it might be nice to be that girl!!

it's hard to explain and i am sure this sounds crazy, but i am for once comfortable with myself, my surrounding and i feel more confident than i have in years! i do want a family soon, so why not enjoy this confidence with a carefree attitude while i have the ability too?