my momma

I miss her, it's been forever since she died and yet i still have those days that i cry for her and that i miss the sound of her voice and the smell of her. dad always said that those memories would fade with time. maybe because of that i have clung to those things...i would like to think that i think of her most when i know that she is watching over me. but who knows?
everyone had told me she is in a better place. i beleive that i do, but sometimes it hurts so bad that she had to leave, that she missed out on so much. well i guess the truth is that we missed out on so much. i feel like she had so much more to give, more to be, more wisdom to pass on, more moments to be apart of. why is still the number one question and the one that will never be answered. when i think of her i see moments like this, dancing, singing, laughing. i try to make her proud...maybe one day i will understand it all maybe one day i will stop hoping that she could be there....maybe it won't feel like inspite of all the wonderful people who are apart of my life that something is missing.
many wonderful women have helped me in times when a girl needs her mom, and i could not love, thank, or respect them more. but in the end as much as i love them, no one fills that void no one can replace a mom. esspecially not one like mine. she wan't perfect, but she was close. so much so she earned her wings early!
i love you mommy! i still miss you!

positive?

well i have been trying to go with the flow more, trying to see the best in people, in situations. so far i think it is going fairly well. i must admit that there have been moments that have tested my patients, my courage, my strength and even my belief in myself. but i made it through, with the help of my incredible circle of friends and family!

i am not always an easy person to be around, i can at times be overly sensitive or overly judgemental. i have tried to see these flaws as a chance to better myself and my relationships rather than sweep them under the rug. it is an ongoing process one that i hope makes it easier for me to trust my own judgement, and not place it on others.

with that being said, it has been completely eye opening to see who you turn to in moments of sadness and despair...even if they are minor moments. but my one and only skister has been there through it all to hold my hand, or get mad with me or just to listen to me and cry with me! she is an amazing, strong, wise and beautiful girl inside and out. also all my "sisters" you know who you are, you girls are crazy but you have also put up with my craziness, and my insecurities, you have lent me strength when i needed it and a safe place to hide, until i could go again!! to the love of my life, you may be far away but you are one of the most insprirational people in my life. if everyone was like you the world would be such a better place! My husband, man he surprises me every day, he teaches me to grow he shows me that we can grow togther, he truly is my rock. i couldn't picture my life with out him, he makes every day better!!!

it is hard to look at yourself an try to change what you see in the mirror, but because of the people that i have around me i know that everything will be alright and that there truly is a happy ending in store! i love you guys!